After one night of staying with Chris and Holly (awww, yeah), we had made up our minds. After two weeks, we were brave enough to admit it. Now, after one more week, my mom says it's OK and has promised not to stop sending us drugs. So it's official: Lava Toad is moving to California. Now all we need are jobs and a place to stay.

We don't ask much in the way of housing: just a small box, a pond for bathing in, a light bulb, and a rock to protect us from the heat of the light bulb. We are clean and quiet, and don't do much hopping--nor do we bark, chew on shoes, or claw furniture. The perfect pets, we are equally happy with people and playing quietly by ourselves. Unlike a certain famous puppy, we won't eat your underwear or hump your stuffed animals. WE DO NOT SPEW LAVA.

What we can afford will depend on the kind of work we can get. We are capable of many tricks, including editing, proofreading, orchestrating, location recording, babysitting, cleaning, delivery driving (see end of paragraph), and mind-numbingly repetitive assembly-line work. WE WILL LITERALLY DO ANYTHING FOR MONEY. THE LAWS OF THE LAND DO NOT FRIGHTEN US.

We can start work as early as Monday the 30th or as late as the third week in June. We can start living in your basement as soon as the Callahans make us stop living in their attic. You should notice a marked reduction in flies and other household pests within a few days.

Please don't make us go back to Seattle. Everyone there is white. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, HELP US.

Thank you very much for reading this post.